i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
