i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
