the new term for farting is butt boxing.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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