That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
