I've blown a few things in my day
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
