oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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