Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Randomize
