Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
