do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
