What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
