So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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