i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
