all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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