She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
