Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
