woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
