Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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