I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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