I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
