I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
there is glitter all over my balls
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