ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
