Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
