she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
