What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
