Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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