oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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