I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
