he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
