I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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