Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
