if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize