There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
