ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
