Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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