If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
