you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
