Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
