That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize