Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
