For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He passed out mid-signature
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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