And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
