just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize