I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Congratulations! We have a period
ok first of all what the fuck
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
