conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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