Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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