You made me cry and you don't even care
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
