well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
