My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
he fucked my hip out of place.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
