don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
