i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
