Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
