so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize