I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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