i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
