Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
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