maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
