She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
