I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
