Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize