I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
