Swine flu. Run for my life!
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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