I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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