She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
