i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
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