I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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