Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
