Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
worst night to have a conscience
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
