My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
