Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
