the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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