Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
