i think my mom watched the whole time
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
