Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
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