So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
i think im in europe. pls send help
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
