Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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