I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
