i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Another day, another engagement, another cat
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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