I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
