Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
