there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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