Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize