he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
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