If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
