took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
