I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
