He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
