Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
