i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
