We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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