youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Four minutes until I can fart!
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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