I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
you had me at cake vodka
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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