So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Dignity is for republicans.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I need to calm my uterus...
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
