the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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