I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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