We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
