What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
