no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I know her cup size but not her name....
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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