If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
