No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
My vagina is very pro this idea
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
