the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
