Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Can I color on your dick again?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize