Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
