1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Randomize
